I woke up Saturday morning with the shittest hangover I hadn’t eaten much yesterday which has played a huge part on my feeling sick. This is why I don’t go out with people because for some reason when I drink my intoxication levels are higher than the norm.
From now on I am quite happy to sit at home with myself and drink until I know enough is enough.
What is it about social drinking that we feel we need to have more, push our limits.
Once I made a cup of tea and threw together some bacon and eggs I felt perfectly fine, I was expecting myself to be running off with my head in the toilet and in bed feeling sorry for myself.
Today was a new day, my anxiety was quite high and I couldn’t sit still for very long without worrying about Martin.
Would he actually text me and remember all those lovely things he told me? I can word for word repeat everything easily, and have not forgotten. Maybe I wasn’t that drunk after all, I know he would be probably still asleep but he was off out in the afternoon for another drinking session.
I could always make the first move if I hadn’t heard anything by dinner but then I don’t want to interrupt his time with his friends.
I spent most of the day watching crap on TV and eating whatever I could find in the fridge.
By late afternoon I was ready to head down to the chippy for some good old fish and chips, Lizzie had messaged me earlier but I didn’t feel like talking to her yet as I still felt really nervous and on edge.
What is it about us – Maybe it’s just me actually. That when we meet someone we kind of like or crush over that our body seems just shut down a little. I can’t tell you how many times today I’ve felt sick with sweats and worry in case this person I opened up to turns out to be a dick head.
We want that magical moment to repeat itself, we are gushing over a little drunken crush in hopes that possibly it could turn into something loving. Whether it starts off with casual sex or a cute date at the cinema followed by a meal.
A love hangover seems somewhat more powerful than a normal feeling, it’s still full of alcohol and dreams given to us from the night before.
Does the other person that’s been feeding us with compliments and false hope wake up feeling the same, or do they feel regret and guilt because they know they only really wanted it to go one way.
I’ve only ever met one guy in my life on a night out that ended up remembering me the next day and wanted to take me out.
I was 20 and went out with a friend, she always wore the best dresses. Her body was to die for and she sure as hell knew how to make those heads turn! I remember this particular night because it’s a happy memory.
I remember being in a 80’s bar and dancing away, I spotted a group of friends and one of the guys looked pretty cute. He was with a girl and two other guys, they seemed just be enjoying the night dancing and drinking. I can’t exactly remember how I spot speaking to them, I’m pretty sure one of the guys kind of knew me and lived quite locally.
They left so go else where and me and friend shortly decided to go to another bar which at that time was the best place to go as it closed pretty late.
I bumped into that guy and his friends again! He looked kind of happy to see me, which was a nice change. It wasn’t for a good hour that I plucked up the courage to sit with him and his friends and my friend was standing behind me with a group of men flirting and chatting away it was a good night.
I spent the whole time talking to him and we exchanged numbers, he was staying with his friend the one who lived locally and said he could like to take me out on a date.
When I got home that night, we texted briefly and he said he would speak to me tomorrow. I didn’t actually think he would but when I woke up I had a text message from him and we spoke about going out that day for a date.
We went to the cinema, I liked him. I wasn’t sure if he liked me or not because I wasn’t the slimmest of people and he was good looking and had a great body.
Then the rest was history, he took me home and he wanted to kiss me but I was too scared and shy.
He never text me again, even when I made contact with him that evening to thank him I got nothing. I just assumed maybe my shyness put him off or that realising the next day I wasn’t as pretty as he thought. We had each other on Facebook, but never spoke. Which seems to be the trend on social media, you follow people or add them as friends even if you’ve only ever had a brief encounter.
But I don’t dislike him for never speaking to me again, of course I was sad. I never really got guys attention when I went out for drinks with friends. Especially in my younger years, It was always my friends even when I could say that I had a prettier face than some, I didn’t have the body to wear flashy outfits.
Now that I am older, I don’t expect my encounters with men to be like that. I expect that If you don’t go home with them for a shag then you will never hear again, unless they want to try their luck and sleep with you when they are sober.
I know it’s not always like that, but society calls for you to look a specific way and men don’t seem to be attracted to my type.
My feelings about Martin were just that, I decided to text Lizzie back and see if she would give me any kind of input.
“Hey Lizzie, last night was good i kissed Martin. xxx “
“Oh my, I wasn’t expecting that what happened lol? xxxxxxx
“Well he said some nice things to me, he was drunk and well yeah we kissed. I didn’t sleep with him and he promised me he would text me today and hasn’t so I am kind of guessing that it was all bullshit. xxx”
“Alex I’m shocked like i dont know what to say. xxxxx”
I was expecting some kind of advice for her and for her to be shocked, has kind of confused me. She always told me to flirt with him and give him a chance and that just maybe he would kind of fancy me back. I’m kind of freaking out a little that he’s not text me and she doesn’t seem to care, am i that disgusting that it’s hard to believe someone would want to kiss me?
I never texted her back, fuck that bitch. Honestly, sometimes the littlest things really dishearten me as I’m not someone with a huge social circle but she is only a work friend, which probably explains a lot. Maybe Lizzie likes Martin? Maybe if she had stayed out longer and I went home she would of gone home with him, as far as she was concerned he wanted her. Not me, and now it’s a different story.
I never usually checked my emails but for some reason one of the big bosses had emailed me on my personal account. My heart was in my mouth, had I gone against some kind of policy for kissing Martin? Have I fucked up my work and now I’m sacked.
Hello Alex, It’s Ben here. Just dropping you a quick email to see if you are ok.
I saw a few of you out for drinks last night and as much as I wanted to join in and say hi, it would look unprofessional as I was sharing a few whiskeys with the other bosses.
Word of advice, you need new friends
Subject: How did you get my email
Read the subject box – Just how?
Did you tell me about your whiskey drinking for a reason.
I don’t really class those at work as friends, but I am wondering why your emailing me? Am I in trouble at work.
Subject: Work has everyone’s detail
I looked up your email on our employee system, I thought it would be easier to contact you this way rather than work. I could of called you but emailing is my preference as I seem to do this more than anything else.
You’re not in trouble, It’s actually good news. I am looking for a PA, sometime to help deal with my emails and sit in on meetings. Occasionally accompany me when I need to leave town for other business enquiries, your trustworthy and hard working and very good at keeping people on their toes.
Subject: I’m flattered but no
Perhaps you’ve got the wrong Alex, I aren’t the PA type nor the type to work for someone as high up as you. Should you not be looking for someone that is a closer fit?
Thanks for the offer and the recognition that I am good at my job.
Good luck with your search.
Subject: The pay is better
Well I am quite shocked that you have such a low perspective of yourself. You may not think this but a lot of us ‘type’ speak very highly of you at meetings. – Keep that one between us, you don’t work closely enough to me yet to know what goes on in those meetings 😉
This isn’t the movies Alex, a PA isn’t a specific type. I won’t be taking no for an answer, you are one of the best people that works extremely hard for our company and I would think that an opportunity like this would interest you other than your boring desk job.
The pay is a few thousand more a year plus benefits, you will get a personal laptop, phone and all paid for trips when the business requires me to go out of time. But in all fairness I tend to drive a lot you I don’t mind you sharing my front seat.
Come to my office on Monday and we will talk further, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone else for now as I know Lizzie applied for this position a few months ago.
Which begs me to ask why you also didn’t, I left this open on the companies portal hoping you might take this chance to do something else within the company.
Subject: You should hire Lizzie
Again I am flattered, Lizzie is perfect for this job. I think she would thrive at this chance especially sitting in the front seat of your car.
Thank you again for seeing that I work hard.
My office, Monday. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.