Alex – Turn of events. An extended chapter

I had finished talking to Lizzie and saying goodbye, which was silly really as she owed me drinks tomorrow night. But it felt like an end of an era and although these past months have been dull for me. The thrill of it all two years ago when we both started was amazing, but the atmosphere will never be that again.

I clocked Ben staring, was he changing his mind? Or was I late, I didn’t really care. The bastards made me wear official office clothes not my black skinny jeans and a causal blouse, now I look like a secretary ready to film a sex scene with the printer repair guy.
I peaked my head a little and saw another man get up to leave the room, Ben saw me and nodded as if to say come along now. I walked away from the kitchen holding my cup hoping to God this tea didn’t spill. I was shit at holding a cup with hot drinks, no matter how straight I walked it always managed to dribble on me or spill on the floor.
You ever see a carpet with darker patches, well that’s because I’ve probably walked on it with a cup of tea and decided to paint the floor with Tetley.

I walked straight in and sat opposite Ben, the room was cool and the temperature hadn’t been adjusted. This was a nice room though, It was very corporate, with leads coming out of the desks for laptops and whatever pro gadget they use. A white board for projecting and really blinding lights, the type that you use in an art gallery to light the shittest of paintings up and highlight that one speck white.

“So is this my office?” I smiled still clutching my tea, nervous as hell for some reason, not because of the job but because I hadn’t changed my mind about how attractive he was.

“No, it’s one of the rooms on the other side of the floor. You’ll actually be working in the same room as me, got some delivery today with another desk and chair, got you a little filing cabinet as well in case you need to file something? I have my own but it’s locked and you can always make copies of anything in mine to keep for yourself. Plus you’ll have access to my emails and of course your new email.”

“That was a lot to take in first thing this morning, so.. um, you said something about a new contract?”

“Ah yes, let me get it out. It’s pretty much the same except the length, salary and title. A few other details on the last pages in regards to rules as you’ll know a lot more about the company and sometimes hear conversations that you wouldn’t normally. Read it, and if you are happy sign it. I’ll be back in about five minutes I just need to make a call.”

I looked through the contract, nothing really had changed and who really read through them anyway? As long as the pay looked okay and your job role I had no issues at all.
I was surprised to see that he had already signed it, was he that confident I would agree. What if I wanted more money for the job I was about to let myself in for, I mean I already am a shadow of the world I won’t see anyone I know. I won’t be able to look at all the idiots in this place and make up my little stories as I’ll be confined in the elite world. Hello’s will become awkward as people won’t trust me now I work for Ben and no doubt I’ll be on the list of be nice to my face and talk shit behind my back.

Is this something I truly want, spending the next few years or even a lifetime being practically someone’s run around. What is it I do want, If I can’t find thrill with work what exactly am I missing.

“Sorry about that Alex, tomorrow’s meeting has been cancelled so looks like you’ve got your first few days quite lightly. Have we read and signed?”

“Er, yeah. So about the whole office sharing? Won’t it be a little weird. Don’t PA’s usually just like sit somewhere else.”

Ben laughed at me, I hadn’t really tried to make a joke out of it.

“I don’t bite if that’s what your asking…. It will be fine, how often am I in this room? You will spend more time here than an office. Unless I don’t need you around.”

What if wanted him to bite me? Fuck sake, here we go again.

“Okay, that seems fine. I’ve never done this before so it’s a bit scary. Plus I’ll be with all of the big bosses and it’s just a whole new world to me.”

“Trust me Alex, they are the nicest people you will ever meet. Well, the guy that was in here, John. He’s a bit much sometimes with his jokes and if he ever makes you uncomfortable do say. He doesn’t know his limits.”

“So he’s a pervert.”

Ben let out another laugh, this time a little louder than before. Is this supposed to happen, I mean as his PA they don’t usually just sit and chat do they? I imagine it’s all formal communication and emails throughout the day.

“You are funny, you just say it don’t you. But no he just likes women, he’s a man with needs.”

“I see.. Well, I guess now I need to ask what’s next?”

Ben got up and a seat next to me. My heart was pounding and I was scared he could probably hear it, why do I have to think he’s the most sexiest man alive. Why is he now my boss, even though technically he was before. I mean in my head of fantasy, I was expecting him to kiss me but he was actually just looking at my contract.

“Signed, dated, yup. And nothing today is one of them days where I haven’t got much to do. I have some emails to check, tomorrow’s been cancelled. So I guess it’s sit here all day and eat. I can order lunch in.”

“I kind of meant me, do I go back out on the floor or just stay here.”

“Well, that box at the end of the room is your new laptop. So I guess you could log on and do some work. It’s already been opened as IT have installed the system for you, I have sent an email to your old one with your new work email. I’ve got you saved already, priority now aren’t you. My account is also linked up with your inbox so you can see and reply to emails but I will have people directly email you from now on unless I request otherwise.”

“But how do I know what to email back and all of that shit?”

“Well, ask me. I am sitting in the same room.”

Ben gave me a smirk, was this some kind of test or was he just being lazy. What if i drop the F bombs in his emails and end up creating some kind of outrage. ‘That new PA is very controversial she told me to go fuck myself for wanting triple discount.’

I’ll be sacked in no time and It will be square one again for me, maybe that’s what I want. I want to lose my job so I can create a huge drama about it and then find some work in a fast food place.
You know McDonald’s actually pay more than minimum wage. Makes you wonder why the staff are always so fat and happy.

I got my laptop out, It was nice. White and new, everything was fast and was all up to date. I got to take this home with me, I mean I’ve never had this privilege before.

To: Alex@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: TESTING

Just testing out the new email, I need to go out and get your phone and meet John briefly about tomorrow’s meeting being cancelled.

Then I will be back with lunch for us. I’m feeling KFC, If I need you I’ll email you from my phone.

Ben 🙂

“Er, Ben you could of just said the rest out loud.”

“I know, sorry. I just get carried away with typing. So I’ll go now but see you soon okay?” He got up quickly looking a little embarrassed. How cute was that, maybe I shouldn’t do that to people. I should just go along with it and make them happy.

But holy shit, my email has corporate in it!

A few hours had gone by and it was almost noon. Ben wasn’t back and I had been sitting here alone like a complete twat. I guess that’s the price you pay now that you are a PA but I kept my laptop on and I spent a lot of time reading the news, then ad’s at the bottom to read celebrity gossip ‘Top ten celebs who look ugly without make up.’
Lizzie popped in for about 20 minutes to see if I was okay, she was acting all excited like a school girl at my new laptop and professional email.
She actually looked happy for me.

We exchanged a few words and tomorrow night was cancelled as she had agreed to go out for dinner with David. Which I didn’t mind, I wanted her marriage to be okay that’s all that mattered.
I mentioned that I probably will skip the next few drinks out, I used the excuse of being busy and being low on cash until payday. When in reality I wanted precious me time, I love been tucked away from the world and have everything confined in my own comforts and then depress myself because I see pictures on Facebook and then I feel like a idiot for not participating in such events.

Ben came strolling in with food, it wasn’t grilled chicken but nothing more than a platter of Subway sandwiches.

“I didn’t know what you liked and didn’t want to waste time emailing you so I got a platter of everything.”

I smiled, he made me giddy. “Wow, thanks I would of been happy with just a salad box or something.”

“No bother, I got some Pepsi too. Sorry I left you here for this long, I should of told you head out onto the floor but I kind of wanted you away from them.”

“I don’t know what you mean, away from them?”

“Well Alex, between me and you. I don’t know if you noticed they are a bunch of fuckers. Third floor has the lowest reputation in this building. We are working on that, but we can’t just sack people without a reason. Lizzie and Adam were on thin ice when I heard about them sleeping with each other, did you know they did it in this building? I let it go because Adam is going to be training in IT and I want him to do well. He’s young and has a great future, Lizzie will probably be made team leader so I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Pull up their socks so to speak.”

I was shocked, Lizzie had done it at work? She told me it was the once. A drunken time and that he was the one more or less pursuing her. Yet as usual, the sun shines out of her back side. I was all for her being a team leader but now, I have lost respect.

“She lied to me.. She told me it was the once.”

“Sadly, she lies a lot. Her husband from what I know isn’t a bad guy. She has seemed to of lost interest in him and wants to chase after every guy that walks by for the thrill.”

“Why are you even giving them a second chance? It’s bullshit, If that was me I would of been sacked.”

“Well Alex, that’s not you is it. And they made a mistake I am willing to let it go, only few of us know this. Both of them had verbal warnings. How could she of not told you?”

“I guess I am not a friend, to anyone.”

I looked down and ate a turkey ham sub, the room filled with silence and I saw Lizzie sitting in the kitchen area laughing and joking with Martin. Why did she lie to me, am I just someone that people use so they can vent off shit and then that’s it. Once I’ve listened I’m tossed aside, as for Martin. He saw me looking and continued to talk, probably talking about me. He pissed me off, he really does think he’s something.

“Alex, are you okay.”

He looked out to see who I was staring at, and sighed.

“Don’t worry about them, I will quite happily allow you to have your lunches with them.”

“Thanks Ben, but I don’t think I want to be around them, especially Martin.”

Ben summed it up within seconds, like he knew everything about everyone without even asking. Was I that obvious, did I become predictable and let my emotions show more.

“He’s not a good guy you want to get involved with anyway, I’ll say no more.”

“Thanks I guess… It’s all a bit weird you knowing stuff. I guess emails are more monitored than I thought.”

“It’s also an office, gossip travels. Er, so in about an hour or two because my schedule is free. I have a small meeting with John about more training in the work place. Would you like to sit in?”

“Should you be asking or telling me.”

“I’m being polite, I don’t expect you to say no.”

His tone changed, but It wasn’t a bad tone. It made my heart flutter a little bit, he was looking straight at me with a smile. My God this man his beautiful, I am young and dumb. I have fallen into the cliche of crushing over your boss. We all know how it ends right? I fall in love, he breaks my heart or he ties me up and that contract I’ve just signed isn’t work related at all.
Is it in our nature to see a man with a little bit of power more attractive than some, minus the good looks.
I’ve crushed hard on power men and some of them were really ugly, but they always have this attitude. It’s so sexy when you see a man telling other people what to do, or the way they talk in meetings and conferences. They are taking control and owning that crowd, it’s quite hot.

“Then I will tag along, no big deal. Nothing better to do, this PA stuff is kind of boring.”
I smiled at him and he let out a giggle.

“I really did make the best decision by hiring you.”

After the meeting with John, who I had the honour of meeting. Ben allowed me to go home and still get paid for the rest of the day. He also told me that I didn’t need to be in until 11:00am tomorrow and that he would have breakfast and tea ready to start.
John cleared out my old desk area and moved everything for me into my new office, I left the laptop and realised that I never actually got my new phone. None the less, I was feeling pretty good. John was a little bit much to handle but I knocked him down a peg and he actually was a pretty nice guy to talk with. A typical guy with just bursts of fun that he wanted to release, I guess some men never want to grow up or lose that sense of being a young teenager.
Lizzie text me to ask how everything when and to as why my stuff was being moved, I told her that I’d be working in my new space as of tomorrow and I will try and catch up with her some time next week.
She didn’t respond and I expected just that. I wanted to distance myself a little as I have been getting such a bad attitude lately and I never want to feel unsure about myself like that again.
We will always doubt ourselves, It’s human nature. The way i was feeling was too much of a bad place for me to be in.

To: Alex@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Question

Are you able to work from home today and catch up with you on Monday.

I’m heading to Manchester, I also forgot to give you your new phone. It’s here, safe in my car.

I need the following done today:

-Email John a copy of this weeks targets. I have a draft saved onto my one drive, it just needs dating with the start of this week also print one off if you have a printer.

-Find out who is head of the news letter and ask them to do a quick mention on our charity fundraising ball next month for Cancer also discuss colours, theme, I quite like black and white.

-Respond to emails, explain I am away for today and that you can take a message and forward it on to me. If they persist, then I’ll try and fit in a phone call with them.

-Keep in touch, I believe I’ll be extremely bored today and would like your humour to entertain.

Oh and happy Friday.

Speak soon

Ben

To: Benjamin_Hilder@SyncoCorporate.co.uk

Cc:

Subject: Anything else?

Working at home is fine. This might sound cheeky, but could you possibly somehow get the phone to me this weekend so I can get used to it and set it up.
But I understand if you are busy.

Alex

To: Alex@SyncoCorporate.co.uk

Cc:
Subject: Phone

I will be back around 6:00PM, I can swing by and drop it off. Let me know your address later.

Oh, I forgot to mention ignore any emails from a woman called Lauren, I’ll get in touch with her myself.

Ben

I wonder who Lauren is, I mean he doesn’t think that I won’t go snooping? I’m his PA after all, I have access to his emails. What an idiot, though it could be someone really important and I’m not exactly the right person to be responding.
But this is a sexy, successful man. Its got to be a girlfriend.

After spending a good forty five minutes doing what he asked I looked through his emails for a woman named Lauren. By the looks of it she emails him for than once a day, and her last email he must of read whilst travelling as it was received over an hour ago. How the hell does he not understand that I can see this shit?
I caught a glimpse of a brief conversation, they were shagging for sure.

“In town next week, book a room baby”

Makes me sick, of course he’s a playboy but that doesn’t stop me from wanting him to be in my bed. I think this is more of a sexual attraction than anything, it’s the power thing. I mean I go from liking Martin and hoping he’s the one after we kiss and now I can’t stand the bastard. Then Ben, I meet him and I feel more than what I did about Martin. It’s like a spell, I want to touch him. I really want to share my bed and cuddle. Touch his skin and then shag the life out of him, what is wrong with that. Everyone has needs and I am not ashamed of it but my morals are that I only have sex with someone that I feel a connection with – No one night stands, nothing that makes me look like a slut. But when I think about Ben I want to break all of my rules I’ve ever set for myself.

I could possibly be a virgin the way I act sometimes, I’ll never quite understand why I just don’t allow myself to let go. Forget all the bullshit and just live life, but it’s not that easy. My shadow is my best friend, that’s how it’s been for a long time and I can’t shake off the doubt and hatred towards myself.
Maybe when I am actually successful and earning my money I will feel different, this job could be the making of a new me. A business twat who looks down at people and makes them feel like shit, I should be that person for a change. Lord knows I am sick of people treating me that way and karma doesn’t come around, you got to deal with it yourself. You want revenge fucking do it!
If your boyfriend cheats on you and has been doing with your best friend, don’t say karma. Egg the shit out of his house, slash his tires, sleep with this best mate and then sneak into your so called friends house – Cut off her hair, finger in a glass so she pisses the bed and hack her FB. Leak any sex tape or better yet make a fake one!
Honestly, turning the each cheek never works. It sure as hell hasn’t for me and I can’t really say that karma has ever paid a visit to all of the people that hurt me.
I’ve had to deal with it and move on or at least try.

The rest of the day went smoothly and I didn’t actually have a lot of emails to respond to, I think maybe most of the time when your in the business world and really need to talk they will just pick up the phone.
Emailing these days though is a lot like texting, we have smartphones now so emailing has been made cool again. It goes straight to your phone and you can have long ass conversations and they don’t charge or turn into parts when you try and send the bloody things.

I have always loved emailing, it’s kind of like writing a letter. Which people never seem to do, though I have this really old school auntie who’s crazy rich and her only way of communication is either letter or ‘telephone’ – She’s too old and poorly to work a smartphone and I can’t say she’s adjusted to modern times. Emailing though is just a brilliant way to communicate and more often than not its my only way.
If I need to speak to family or they send me pictures of what they are up to, it’s either I see them all on Facebook or they email me. I mean I won’t lie, I barely text. I only ever text Lizzie but all of the time I use messenger. It’s not any quicker than typing a text message but I don’t have many friends that I can text.
I remember a good few years ago, my phone would never stop going off. I loved texting people or having phone calls and conversations that lasted for hours until I fell asleep and now my life has just become really lonely.
Life moves forward and so do the people, I just wish I moved forward as well because I literally feel I have slowed down and the time is just ticking on by and I’m here, the same.

I wondered what Ben would be doing right now? He’s travelled to Manchester and won’t be back til 6:00PM, it’s now 2:45. I bet he’s been sitting in posh conference rooms all day buying everyone platters of Subway. Maybe he hasn’t gone for a meeting and he’s for sure a playboy and has a bit on the side he goes and visits.
I day dreamed for a good twenty minutes and my phone buzzed, it was Lizzie.

“Alex, I need to tell you something.”

That she lied to me about Adam and how she fucked him at work, how she lies about her marriage and that David is a good guy but she can’t help herself. How she used me so I would listen and never be heard in return.

“Erm, okay what?”

“I wanted to do it in person but okay.. this is easier so are you ready for a long message?”

“It’s not bad are you and David okay? Still together?!”

It took a few minutes to get a response, I assumed it was because she had already started to type out this message. I felt a little strange that out of the blue she would need to tell me something. Was she at work? She could of emailed me if it was going to long or we could of met in person even if it meant her delaying her night with David especially if it sounded important.

Ok Alex…. so here it goes. u know last year with the charity ball thing they did
at Christmas instead of summer well you didn’t go and i wanted u to badly but no
anyways i got a bit drunk david was txting me and he pissed me off something rotten
he had to work last minute all weekend so i wouldnt see him i met ben that night siting
with that guy john. me and john got talking for a bit and ben was at the bar when i went
to get drinks. ben told me to stay away from john… that night alex i ended up in a hotel
with ben. mate u dnt know how sorry i am.. i thought that night i was gonna sleep with
john but i ended up with the fucking boss. i had met him before i lied, i lied so bad and
now you have to work with him i am a shit person but i never told anyone an only ben knows
maybe others do maybe people in the office saw us fuck knows.. so yeh if ben says anything
about me then just you know why…im sorry again i love you xxx”

“Is this why he wants you as a team leader?”

“What? i didnt even know that alex, fuck.. I can talk to him turn the position down. I don’t want it if thats the only reason why.”

“Take it when he asks you. I have to do some work now, speak soon.”

“We are ok though right?”

“Yep Lizzie were cool.”

I lied, for the first time in my life I held myself back from spilling out what was going in my head.
My eyes filled with tears, she’s had everyone. I can’t even have a little crush on the boss now because I know he’s already had his way with someone from work. A man that swears he keeps things professional a man that never wanted… Ah of course it all makes sense now doesn’t it.
That’s why he was so sure not to ask Lizzie as the PA, not because she would be shit at the job as she would of been bloody brilliant, oh no it’s because they fucked. It would be too awkward and more than likely lead to them sleeping with each other again. Let’s face it, everyone that meets Lizzie automatically falls under her spell.
The fact that it’s upset me to this level says a huge lot, I am fucking jealous. I hate that I am a complete nobody and I never cross peoples minds or get noticed, I hate that this PA job is only mine because I’m probably a last resort. Bullshit to the he has faith in me, its all lies. Lies yet again because they don’t want to set off the bomb Alex.
Too late, I am sick of the shit. I am sick of my life, I am sick of being Alex.
Fuck this job, I don’t want it – I will quit and find something better. Maybe I will write a blog, sell my stories online about all of the shit that goes on at Synco. Expose every little scandal and affair, let the world see that office life isn’t all about sitting behind a desk.
It’s a fucking reality TV show and I am the bait. I’m going to email Ben and tell him that he can stick his job, hire Lizzie and stick whatever up her arse! It will be like talking to my bloody self though, his emails are also mine.

To: Benjamin_Hilder@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Don’t want this job

Just letting you know that I don’t want this job. You can shove it, you lied to me.
You shagged Lizzie and that’s why you didn’t want to hire her. Not because you saw potential in me
I’m just being used for your own ego!

No need to bother dropping of that phone, I’ll hand back the laptop on Monday.

Alex

To: Alex@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: The job is yours

Luckily I am actually on my way home, I don’t need your address HR have given it to me. I should be about 40 minutes. You are not quitting this job, I won’t let you.

I did sleep with Lizzie, I didn’t tell you in fact I shouldn’t have to tell you because nobody else knows and quite frankly it’s none of your business. I am embarrassed that I stooped to that level, I don’t find her remotely attractive but that night It did happen and I can’t explain why or even use the alcohol as an excuse because it won’t change the past.

Now, the thing that I am more concerned about is that she decided to tell you today whilst you are not in the office but at home working for me. She tells you only a few days after starting this job. Have you taken that into consideration that she could be jealous?
If she was a real friend, I assume that close friends tell each other everything as she told you about Adam that my name would of been mentioned a lot sooner. But instead she drops it all on you today.

The most important thing I need to tell you is that I did not hire Lizzie because of sleeping with her, I hired her because she will not be good at this job, she is not professional and quite frankly she is known as the office slut. I really don’t think she would be a great fit in assisting me. It has nothing to do with what you think. I had good intentions when hiring you, you are mature and get your work done. I see potential and I believe you deserve much better than working with a bunch of idiots.
I won’t reassure you again as your boss you need to trust me as much as I trust you.

I can also assume that you are upset, which makes me think that deep down she only did this to spite you. She wants to you to know that everything you are about to touch or have touched she has already done so, which isn’t a nice person Alex. They will tear you down mentally.

I suggest you calm yourself down, perhaps have a cup of tea and we can talk in person. I am your boss and I am supposed to make sure you are happy and okay to work, you can confide in me if you need to.

Ben

To: Benjamin_Hilder@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: (no subject)

Well if you are going to be here then I would like to ask you to come round to the back as I will be sitting outside smoking and drinking my cup of tea.

I did not take this job for it to be a rollercoaster ride of bullshit.

Alex

To: Alex@SyncoCorporate.co.uk
Cc:
Subject: Swearing

I’ll let the swearing in my emails go..

It will be sorted out I promise.  I won’t be long 🙂

Ben

I waited a good hundred years for him to arrive, he entered through the back gate with a box. I assumed it was my phone and a bag with what appears to be wine, he obviously wasn’t planning on staying long.
I walked into the kitchen and left the door open, he followed me and I made sure he didn’t shut the door. I liked the Spring air and the smell of flowers in late afternoon, I would sit outside for hours with my eyes closed just taking in the nature and everything around me.

Ben sat on one of the stools and I sat opposite him. His face looked quite sad, as if he pitited me and thought I was just this pathetic mess of a human being. We didn’t speak for a good 15 minutes as he was on the phone to what appeared to be John, he had drove Ben’s car here and dropped him off. I assumed he would be picking him up, I wouldn’t trust someone like that with my car he’s probably cruising the street for some woman to pick up.
Whilst he spoke on the phone he pointed at the bottle of wine and made a gesture for me to get glasses and a bottle opener, he was planning on drinking with me.
Maybe it was easier for him to talk with a few glasses of wine inside of him but I can’t imagine how stressful his job was and i took into account that it was Friday and he probably needed a well earned drink.
I could smell the aroma of  the wine, I finally knew what real wine tasted like. Expensive, special wine. Something I would only ever drink at a wedding if they weren’t cheap bastards.
Ben watched me pour the drinks and I smiled, imagining what it would be like to be in a French vineyard. I loved alcohol, my Grandad gave me my first sip when I was a child. It started off with my licking the froth of the beer when it was poured, then after time he let me have a sip and if my mum was out or working nights I’d have half a glass.
Always had a shandy with my Sunday dinner. How the littlest of memory always becomes a happy one, I wish i had my Grandad here still because he was one of my best friends.
A man that raised me because my dad is doing his own shit. It was a tough day when he died, in fact my life hasn’t really been the same without him, it’s been bad luck and shit times. I know he’s watching but at the same time I aren’t sure anymore if he ever was.
Ben finally came off the phone, he took off his work jacket and relaxed. His arms looked good in his shirt, you could see them bulging through. Them green eyes, my God he was something but a fucking liar.

“Apologies for being ignorant,  John’s using my car tonight so he’ll be picking me up later. You look distant are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry… Was just thinking of a memory and then it made me a bit sad to be honest. I suppose it’s good that i don’t feel mad at you now…. Well i do but to be fair you bought a really expensive bottle and it tastes so bloody good.”

“Know your wines then? I really needed a drink after today and I was convinced you might as well.”

“Well, I think I overreacted a little… So I’m, sorry.”

Ben pulled out a packed of cigarettes and lit one up, he looked so relaxed as if i was sitting with a different person. Instead of looking his usual dominant self ready to tackle the working day or to just sit in a conference room waiting for someone to happen.

“I can understand, i think we should just put this behind us if we want to sustain a working relationship. I don’t want this to be something that effects your job or mine. If this ever got out, my reputation and my position could be compromised. Lizzie has put herself in a situation where I can’t ignore this. I will need to speak with her.”

He took one long sip of his wine and poured more into his glass including mine, he looked around and then made eye contact with me. The moment became slightly awkward, I felt dizzy and I could feel my cheeks fill with warmth. I didn’t know what to say to him, I want to forget him sleeping with Lizzie but he won’t understand why I feel upset. I’m attracted to him and we all know what it feels like when you have a crush and they don’t like you or they have already got their eyes on someone else, even worse that they are married. Been there done  that – It’s a silly school thing to feel but it was true.
I was to be confined with this person and have regular contact at least five days a week, I already felt a crazy rush of feelings when I saw him and it breaks every rule I’ve given myself. Don’t fall too hard, too soon.

“It’s really hard to explain but the only way i can is by saying that she’s like the girl in high school who’s the most popular one. But I have a lot of issues of my own which kinda get in the way.”

“Well Alex, it will be fine. You are not leaving this job and I have a new PA that’s going to organize my life and  keep me on track, now you have the phone you won’t be able to get away.”

What if I don’t want to get away, what If i want to be trapped in a room with him and never get out. We have to live off our body fluids and eat away at our skin. A tad extreme, and I don’t think wine and having him sitting in front of me looking the way he does right now is helping much.

“Cheers Ben… So any plans for the weekend? Luxury life… Lauren.. erm you know.”

Ben let out a laugh, the same laugh that made me smile the day he got that bloody platter of sub sandwiches. He fascinated me, the mystery.

“I fucking knew it Alex, you would go and read my emails. I even said it to John, but he thought it was funny too. She was someone I was dating. From time to time she will come this way or I end up in London near her, but we haven’t slept with each other for a long time now… It’s weird you know? I never fancied her.”

“How could you not like her, I mean she called you babe or baby…. It’s comfort words you use in a relationship.”

“Well don’t take this offensively, but sometimes women can kind of fall quicker than guys. For me it was fun, I did think she was attractive obviously. It became a routine and nothing more, she always tries to make it happen again when she’s this way.”

“You’ve just described a woman as a routine, how the fuck are you not hung by a bunch of your ex girlfriends or women in general. Man I thought you were one of the good guys.”

He looked at me with shock, has he never had an employee that spoke the truth to him before. Was his life full of people that complimented him day in and day out, told him things he wanted to hear.
You know the type that will say your a great boss but secretly plotting against you to get your job.
The way he spoke about Lauren was as if this woman was nothing, I kind of feel sorry for her. He was right, we do fall quickly. We have been bought up with fairy tales and Cinderella stories and boys were nothing like those princes, even when we were kids. They wanted to chase you around or push you and tell you how ugly your hair was.
Maybe she fell in love with him and using sex is the only way to get his attention because deep down she probably knows he will never feel that the same but at least she can keep him in her life for a while, and just maybe he ends up falling in love with her.
Or she’s a complete bitch and shags about with more than Ben, perhaps she’s another Lizzie.

“I am a good guy, believe me I am. I didn’t mean it in that way… She and I got used to sleeping with each other it became the norm. I never felt love for her, but Lauren was probably all I had because I’ve met a woman I’ve loved for a long time…. You know something Alex, I think this wine’s gone to my head. Look at me pouring out my heart and soul.”

“It’s okay, I mean we will be working together a lot so I guess we are basically best friends now. I’ve not been in love for a long time either, I’ve pretty much lost any kind of hope so it’s probably why I’m a bitch.”

“Nah, I disagree with the bitch part. You still have a long way to go yet to really give a shit about lonely.. I’m thirty two, most of the guys at work married at twenty four. I’m a lost cause, I have Synco to always consider.”

“But i do give a shit….. Age shouldn’t matter when you want to fall in love. You could always step down from Synco, consider a different life.”

He poured what appears to be the last two glasses of wine and lit up another cigarette, he looked at me with concentration. He quickly checked his phone.

“I can’t give up Synco and I’ll have to cut this short as John will be here in about fifteen minutes. You have a long weekend ahead of you playing with your new phone.”

“It’s been a pleasure, I’ve almost forgotten that you shagged Lizzie.”

He laughed, but resorted back to frowning at me. I think it’s one of those subjects that annoy the shit out of a guy when you keep repeating it. But when your married or have been together a long time and want a good argument you can’t help but bring it up.

“She aint got nothing on you doll… I’m going to wait at the front. Back door the exit also?”

I nodded and saw him out, he really did come out of his shell after a few glasses of wine. He wasn’t drunk, he was relaxed. I know that it would take more than a couple of glasses to send him off the rails, I am pretty sure that he would now resume the drinking but with John himself.
I smiled and said goodbye, he turned round and looked at me.

“Look after yourself, go out and have some fun. It’s the weekend.”

He pinched my cheek a little, one of those good bye gestures. But my God it made my heart beat fast. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me, especially with the wine and the deep conversation we had. I really didn’t want us hanging out to be so fucking dull but if it wasn’t for Lizzie being a twat he would never of come over.
He bought a bottle, I mean how nice was that, It’s the little things you know that make you smile.
Now I have a new phone, Iphone of course every posh bastards best friend. So i guess this is for work purposes but I guess I should give my mother this number as well.
I hadn’t really spoken to her for a good few weeks, she decided to pack up and move abroad with her boyfriend. I didn’t blame her, she put her life on hold for so many people. Especially looking after my Grandad for a long time.
She had been in a horrible relationship about 6 years ago when I still lived with her, I witnessed more than I should. It took her a long time to build herself up again and she finally found happiness. James, he was such a nice normal guy who just wanted to live a peaceful but also fun life. Isn’t that what everyone wants once you hit your fifties?
Now they are living life by the beach in Spain. What more could you ask for, to be with someone you love and spend it in paradise.

I boiled the kettle and got the phone out it’s box, i turned it on and it seemed that it had already been configured. Which was odd, I scrolled through the settings to change whatever needed to be changed but I didn’t need to be messed with.
Everything had been done, Ben’s email account but not mine. Which I suppose was the only thing left for me to do.
I played around with the phone some more, getting used to using it as I’d never had an Iphone before.
Within an hour or maybe more of playing I got a text. It was from Ben, must of been the one to configure the pissing thing and then add his number. The cheeky twat.

You are really good company. Thank you, enjoy your weekend.”

“Right back at you boss”

 

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4 thoughts on “Alex – Turn of events. An extended chapter

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